Last night a series of events all hinged off of one giant blackout - things went down and then some just plummeted - but we'll get to that in a second. Let's start at the beginning.
The GG crew is back in NYC - Nate is still selling his love to Cougar Catherine, who apparently really loves buying him things too. I'll admit, she's got great taste, as she looks divine in whatever she's wearing and I quite agree, Nate is a dream in Ralph Lauren. But it's getting a little creepy, because isn't YOUR mom supposed to take you back to school shopping...and not somebody else's mom (whom you also happen to be sleeping with for money)? I'm not sure I like the way things are going, but Nate's gotta get more money because of his sleazeball dad and goodness knows his mom isn't going to get a job to pay for it.
On the other side of the city, emerging co-dependent Vanessa unloads her frustrations of Nate ditching her to Jenny. Jenny convinces her to call him and quit being such a girl, and Nate welcomes the distraction and probably, the prospect of younger tail. Those cougars can be slave drivers, you know. Jenny meanwhile still thinks she knows everything and starts redesigning one of Elanor Waldorf's dresses. When I was 15, I couldn't even match my dresses with shoes let alone make one, what does she know? Whatever.
Serena and Dan are still hot and heavy and by hot and heavy I mean...sexually active. Some unfortunate looking girl catches them making out on the street and snaps a pic for Gossip Girl - so now everyone's in on their little secret. But not all of their friends are supportive. Blair's *** fangs come out later when she suggests she would be happy if they would talk about their problems. I can't recall what they were, exactly. Dan hooked up with Georgina and Serena killed a dude...so what? That stuff happens to all of us!!
What's even better about this entire situation, however, is now that GG is involved so is everyone else. My favorite new characters confront them on the street and claim sides ("SHE'S a Serena") and I can totally see TEAM DAN and TEAM SERENA shirts just flying off the shelves. I'm on TEAM CHUCK any day, though.
Speaking of TEAM CHUCK, he's still down and out about losing Blair. We first meet him in this episode rocking a silk robe, smoking, and drinking what I can only guess to be scotch on the rocks. After talking with him for a moment, Nate discovers that he's having a hard time with his...manhood. Basically, he can't get excited for anyone BUT Blair. He even ordered in Japanese.....hooker. So he comes up with the brilliant idea that he has to have sex with Blair to fix the problem. This is evil and disgusting and yet, it could get them back together so I'm okay with the effort. And ooooh Chuck is such a slime. It makes me love him more.
Where is Blair, anyway? Well, she's busy planning a back to school party for parents and students of Constance Billiard and she's about to melt from the sexual tension between her and Marcus. She's not used to someone withholding on her and apparently the little tart is just about to burst if they don't do it soon. Marcus is a gentleman though, and I suspect he's also kind of gay so this ain't gonna happen.
So Nate decides to go out with Vanessa, and lo-and-behold who is spying on him but Mrs. Robinson. She enlists the help of Blair to get Vanessa to the party so she can confront him. Blair of course sets her up nicely. Once Nate finds out that Catherine will be at the party, he freaks out and uninvites V. However, Rufus, being the great dad to everyone that he is, insists that V go anyway and pretend like she didn't get N's message. Good idea! I'm sure he had no reason to uninvite you! You're asking for it. Nice dress, though.
Speaking of dresses, what the holy cheetos is Serena wearing? That Chanel belt looks like a total knock off and....OMG THATS A BRITNEY DRESS. I have proof.
Same neckline, same horrid sack shape, same pattern...I usually love the costume choices in this show but she's just a shake away from wearing pink fur boots and cut off denim. No sir.
Anyway, on to the party. In quite possibly the most disturbing and yet somewhat sexy moment this show has ever seen, Chuck propositions Blair. The words "Have sex with me," are soooo not sexy but even us at home were sitting there thinking..."Dang, I think I will, thanks." He even adds to it by saying, "Just once...that's all I need." Yeah, way to go there Chuckbasstard. That doesn't sound weird at all. Blair brushes him off though even though you can tell her repressed self reeeeeally wants to. Especially after she runs into the Duchess who assures her she'll never have "that spark" with her son. Wait, does she know Marcus is gay too? Amazing! Anyway, Blair attacks Marcus and tells him to come to her bedroom NOW. That's when...the lights go out.
When the power shuts off, Dan and Serena get stuck in an elevator. Jenny is stuck at her internship, Blair is waiting for Marcus in her bedroom, and Vanessa is stuck in a room with Catherine. Things are definitely looking up for everyone.
Chuck manages to make it to Blair's bedroom first. He tells her in a crappy english accent (which is BS since he has a real one!!) to blow out the candle and they go AFTER it. Hotness monster...! Catherine threatens Vanessa to back off of Nate and honestly, she scared me a little too. Jenny just got fired at her internship for redesigning the dresses...now that she's stuck in the dark with Mrs. Waldorf, she has a chance to get her job back! Yeah!! She ends up adding a fresh look at the Waldorf designs and chumming it up with the main designer. When the lights come back on, Rufus shows up with a girlfriend. I know, weird, right? Where the crap did she come from?
Meanwhile, Dan and Serena are stuck in this elevator. Dan tries to escape through the ceiling tiles and ends up almost breaking his neck. He was THAT desperate to not talk to Serena. They end up talking and coming to the conclusion that they should break up. Thank you, Gossip Girl, for reading my blogs and making this happen. I know all of these whiney teenagers are all like, "omg noooo they R soooo N luv and 4evR!! Y?!?!" but they were annoying and sappy and gross. The preview of next week looks like we're gonna get to see Serena back as S should be - an awesome party girl. I so support that.
Back at the Waldorf penthouse, the lights come on just in time for Marcus to walk in on Chuck and Blair. She's all like, Ohhhh, I didn't know it wasn't you! And then has to finally admit that yeah, she did know. I mean, come on. Bass has to be a WAY better kisser than Marcus. She was probably like, dangit, it's Chuck...SWEET BABY PANDAS it's Chuck! She was thinking with her other head which apparently, girls have too.
At the end of the show we catch Chuck in a limo making out and I'm like, Sweet! Season 1 throw back! But....ITS NOT BLAIR. He ends up pushing her off of him and saying he didn't want
her....so looks like Blair just wet his appetite instead of solving his problem. I thought so. Score another point for B.
So let's see....where did everything end up? D and S are no more, R has a girlfriend, J got her job back, B and M are broken up, C is still after B, and V gave up N because Cougar threatened her to. Anything else I missed? Oh yeah, WHERE ARE BART AND LILY?! You aren't fooling me GG, I know they didn't go on a 50 week honeymoon.
Next week the kids are back and school and D and S are in an all out war to see who can have the quickest rebound. I can't wait.
