Who is just JUMPING out of their Manolos with excitement that Gossip Girl is back? Or for those of us in the real world, our Old Navy flip flops? I feel like last night's episode left a lot to be desired, I was wanting, I was confused, at times...I was even a little pissed off. But hopefully we have all of the crappy "explaining what happened this summer" stuff out of the way. I'm loving the preview for next week. Blair being peeved about now being well bred enough for her boyfriend's parents is SO spot on.
Anyway, on to what happened this week. The show opened with a lovely little montage highlighting what all happened last year to catch us up. It kind of looked like a 30 second promo they forgot to run and decided to paste on the front of the show. But after the snappy opening (which serves as my alarm clock sound on my phone) we were introduced to season 2 - and my, did it start off with a bang. LITERALLY.
So within the first part of the show, we learn that Nate is hooking up with a MILF, Chuck is still BA, Serena and Nate are pretending to be hot and heavy, Blair brought back a new boyfriend, Chuck is still in love with her (and obviously she him), Dan is getting more tail than a rabbit den, Jenny sucks at sewing, and apparently, there's such a thing as a jitney. The entire episode Blair flaunts her new relationship with "james" in Chuck's face, but in all reality, she doesn't even like him. Until she finds out he's a Lord from England (with a terrrrible British accent).
Serena and Dan are obviously miserable without each other, almost to the point of annoying. Wait, almost? Just kidding. They made me want to barf. And maybe I'm no Miss Merry Sunshine but I am not rooting for a Dan/Serena get back together. After a confrontation between D & S (D catches S kissing N to make MILF jealous, then S watches two of D's summer flings fling cocktails all over him), they kiss and make out. Or up. Who cares, they're boring.
Jenny apologizes to Eric in this episode, although I can't remember what he was mad about. Something about him coming out, I'm sure. E admits he has no friends, because obviously there are no gay people in New York, so he takes back J and takes her to the White Party because she wants to wear an ugly dress she made there to "show her boss". While you automatically assume the worst, little J actually ends up meeting Tinsley Mortimer, real life socialite, and shows her boss who's who in fabulosity. The kids over at the New Yorker say she's just screaming for an eating disorder this season, but I'd rather see her get a boob job. Maybe both, those are two subjects they haven't touched on yet.
B continues to torture C, but he discovers a hole in her perfect relationship: James has claimed to have gone to both Princeton and Georgetown. So he hires a PI to get the dirt - which he finds out the same time that James confesses it to Blair. Apparently, he's actually a
Lord who was just trying to be an "average American boy" so that she wouldn't use him. Ha! Like B is capable of love without use. And what "average American boy" goes to Princeton and Georgetown? Sorry, but AAB goes to community college for 2 years, transfers to UCLA, drops out after one semester and starts his future as a club promoter and/or sandwich artist. Try again, Princeton! Anyway, you should see the fire that lights up behind Blair's eyes when she finds out he's a Lord. What's better than a fake boyfriend? A fake LORD boyfriend, take that, Chuck! She ends up giving C an ultimatum - all he had to do was tell her that he loved her, and she'd stay. Of course, Chuck's mind probably wanders back to the part of the show where he's with 3 busty, topless brunettes on the beach and he just can't do it. So he spends the rest of the show drowning himself in scotch, which is probably his first and only love.
All of this time, Nate isn't really involved in any of this, he's too busy gettin' busy with MILF-tastic anywhere they can. They start out the show in a car, to which I said, "that is sooooo high school!" But then I realized what show I was watching and yeah, exactly. She keeps giving him the Denise Richards eyes and dragging him into the next random doorway, and ends the show leaving with her husband (who we discover is older than dirt, making her not only a milf but a cougar as well) and leaving Nate a note to meet her at some hotel on Friday. Sounds like trouble to me, N. I LOVE IT.
And this all ends with Gossip Girl telling us, "you ain't seen nothing yet. XOXO...Gossip Girl." I believe her.
The best quotes of the night:
"What could possibly make Queen Bee abandon her two dads before labor day? We bet Chuck Bass wants to know." - Gossip Girl
"Girls, you don't know how thankful I am to have finally found a use for geometry in life." Chuck
"It's way too big for you! Don't you know how to fit? It's huge!" "It's not actually for me...it's for you." - Jenny to Evil woman, I LOVE IT because she's all like yeah....you're fat.
"Ain't Karma a ***? We know Blair Waldorf is." - Gossip Girl
"The only thing lamer than dating Dan Humphrey is mourning Dan Humphrey." - Blair
"You'll like him as much as I do!" "If by that you mean, not at all, I'm sure you're right." -B & C discussing her boyfriend
"It's super exclusive! They turned Jack Johnson away!" "Sounds like a party with taste." - Rufus to Jenny about the White Party
"A honk instead of a knock? Did someone order a townie?!" - Blair, in obvious delight at Serena's date
"Lifeguards got a Camero. And not in an ironic, 'I've got a Camero' sort of way." - Serena about her townie's car and obvious tool douche baggery.
"Not to mention transparent." - Grandmother van der Woodsen being AWESOME
"It's a shame you guys took a bus and not a limo, I don't know if you know this, but Blair loves limos." - Chuck, making a lovely innuendo to hooking up with B in a limo.
"I didn't feel anything." "Neither did I." - Blair to James
"Damn that Mother Chucker!" - Blair
"That Chuck Basstard!" - Blair (she's been saving those, huh?)
"There will be girls there, white dresses..." "Unless there's a sprinkler, I don't care." - Chuck to Nate about the White Party
"Unlike you, I don't lose something the second I let it out of my sight." - Blair, to C on relationships
"Do some research. I'm in the mood to be right." - Chuck
"He's got a PI on speed dial? I know that face, that face is not your friend!" - Eric
"Why are they dressing Nate to look so gay? He should take off his shirt more often." - Me
"That's it, she is officially not invited to book club next summer." - Serena, to N discussing his mistress.
"Give me a reason. And 'I'm Chuck Bass' doesn't count." - Blair, in an ultimatum to Chuck.
"
Chuck Bass. Yum. We should be dating right now. Seriously. Sigh. Love." - Me again
